« The Dear Ones are Written on my Heart »
from a talk given at the Yellow Point Retreat, Canada, September 1995
I was very appreciative of Russell's words about the transition from doing private interviews to the darshan lines, because I had the experience of it in Australia after having had my last interview with Sant Ji in Bombay. Probably all of us have had private interviews; I've had one in each of the tours. I look at the private interviews as tent poles in the canvas of the tent of my life. It is uniquely impossible to describe moments where you are facing the center of the universe, the Owner of all creation, the Father of all love, and to have those private moments has meant more to me than anything. It gives shape and definition to my life. When it was first announced over the tape circuit that the private interviews would be discontinued and replaced by darshan lines, I wondered what that was going to be about. But I found nothing lacking between the two interviews, between the two situations. It was still as indescribable, still as personal, even though it was shorter, and something I couldn't quote, something you don't come away with from a tape, certainly. But it was as indescribable as the private interviews.
But my purpose for being here this evening is to share with you a portion of my last interview in Bombay. When the circuit tapes came, after the dear ones had come back and shared their experiences of having been in Bombay, I was surprised that person after person said something to the effect that they had found it difficult to believe that they could be loved by a Saint. It was a message that I thought was my personal problem, up to a point at least, but it seemed that so many people were saying the same thing. Intellectually or rationally it doesn't make sense that the One on earth Who is Love personified, Who comes only to deal with the wares of love, doesn't love every single one of us perfectly. And of course He does. There is no trouble with the Giver, the problem is with the receivers. So at this point in my life I had gone into an interview, in January of this year, wondering how He could possibly love me. That was a big deal for me, and how He resolved that is in this paragraph. I should also say that I didn't tell Him in words much about my misgivings. He said:
"I remember all the meetings I have had with you right from the beginning. And I remember almost every single word which we have exchanged with each other. All the dear ones who have come in my contact are written on my heart and I can never forget them. No Saint has ever forgotten those dear ones, those people who came in Their contact. There are only two Powers who do not forget anything. Everyone else forgets. The only two Powers which do not forget are the Master and God Almighty Himself. It is my longing, and it is my wish for every satsangi, and you are also included in that, I wish that the work which they have been given by Master Kirpal, they should do that, and they should come back to Him. They should do at least their part and come back. So that I may take them with much honor to our Beloved Lord Kirpal. And I will be able to tell Him gladly, 'O Lord, You gave me the responsibility of these souls, and now I feel very proud in bringing these souls, that have done their part, back to You and they are here asking for Your forgiveness.' And I am sure that all those souls that will go along with me, He will definitely accept them, bless them and forgive them."
This has turned my life around. But I would say also that for the experience of the few moments of contact in the walk-by darshan, when His attention is focused on you, it is no less than the private interview. And we are blessed, no matter how He presents Himself to us. To have Him in our lives, I'm sure all of our experiences will be just ones of tremendous gratitude.